Does Suri Cruise Exist? The Plot Thickens

The saga of so-called Suri Cruise just keeps getting weirder and weirder. It's a conspiracy theorist's delight! The vigilant folks at TMZ have obtained a birth certificate for Suri and, in a fitting discovery for a Mercury retrograde, revealed that there was a mysterious delay in filing it—plus the signature was by a "friend" rather than either Tom or Katie. Weird! {Source}

Perhaps even more importantly for our purposes, this birth certificate, as a couple of sharp-eyed readers were kind enough to point out to me, lists a birth time for Suri of 3:26 AM. {Source} This means, as reader L. noted, that Neptune's conjunction to the Ascendant, which, as I have discussed, describes the veil of deception surrounding her birth, now comes from the 12th house rather than the 1st house. ~ See Suri Cruise's birth chart (Exclusive to CelebAstroBlogy ~ UPDATED 7/15/06 with revised birth time)

With this corrected birth time, the Neptune-Ascendant conjunction is actually a couple of degrees tighter, and coming from the 12th house, it describes the mystery surrounding Suri perhaps even more fittingly. The secretive 12th house symbolizes the dissolution of the self into nebulousness and mystery. After living in the media glare (Neptune in Aquarius) prior to her birth (Ascendant), Suri seemed to simply fade away into the ether.

The 12th house is also associated with institutions of confinement, like hospitals and prisons, and Suri (if indeed she exists) would certainly seem to have been quarantined or sequestered from the world. (Could she perhaps have been born with some condition that Scientology doesn't believe in treating?!)

Another interesting feature of the adjusted birth time is that Venus and Uranus in Pisces are now intercepted in the 1st house. Planets in an intercepted sign are stifled, with no natural outlet for their energy. The Venus-Uranus conjunction, which is extremely tight, suggests unconventional relationships. With the interception, Suri (if she exists at all) may feel isolated and alienated, unable to form relationships or made to feel like a freak if she expresses affection. Or this placement could be an indication, again, that Suri exists in some sort of bizarro fantasy world beyond the reach of other humans.

This issue is surfacing again now as Neptune retrogrades over its position in Suri's natal chart. Once Neptune turns direct, it will make another pass over its natal position on Feb. 8, 2007 and continue to hover around Suri's Ascendant before crossing it in February 2008. We might have to wait another year and a half before seeing this child, or learning the truth about her!

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Related: • Poll Results: Why Are There No Photos of Suri? (7/11/06) • Does Suri Cruise Really Exist? (6/22/06) • Just How Screwed Up Will Suri Cruise Be? (4/21/06) • TomKitten Is an Aries! (4/18/06) • TomKitten = KittyTaurus? (4/13/06) • Whither TomKat? (2/17/06) • No, Really, What's Up With Katie's Belly? (1/23/06)

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Does Suri Cruise Really Exist?

When I first analyzed Suri Cruise's birth horoscope {See Suri Cruise's birth chart ~ Exclusive to Celeb AstroBlogy} back in April, I noted the presence of Neptune on her Ascendant* and observed:

Suri has Aquarius, sign of the public and mass communication (including the Internet) rising.* The rising sign, or Ascendant, describes a person's outer appearance or the face they project to the world, as well as the birth and start of life. With Neptune, the planet of fantasy and illusion, in Aquarius (again, the sign of mass communication) conjuncting the Ascendant,* there is a veil of mystery or deception cloaking the circumstances of Suri's birth and true identity.... (Perhaps incidentally, Neptune is often prominent in the birth charts of people who are adopted.) {Source}

Well, folks, that was two months ago, and so far Suri has projected no face at all to the world. In the past few weeks, Kingston Rossdale has taken up tennis, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt has modeled for magazine covers and even friggin' Mira Sorvino's D-list baby has made his appearance. Yet the spawn of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has made nary a peep, negotiated no photo rights deals, nor even emerged as a mass of swaddling blankets. The nebulous Neptune-Ascendant aspect seems more apt by the day. At this point people are starting to wonder: Does Suri really exist? Are the conspiracy theories about Katie's pregnancy being a sham actually true?

There certainly is a cloud around Suri's true nature in her birth chart, and suggestions of her identity being ephemeral or intangible. In addition to Neptune in Aquarius on the Ascendant, Suri also has Venus conjunct unpredictable Uranus in Neptune-ruled Pisces in her 1st house.* When two planets are in the sign the other rules, as Uranus and Neptune are in Suri's chart (and in effect in the heavens from 2003–2008) they are said to be in "mutual reception,", vibing with and strengthening each other. Obviously Aquarius (the public, the media, mass communication) and Pisces (deception, delusion, fantasy) are interwoven in Suri's chart, if indeed she exists. "Suri" may actually be short for "surreal."

Venus conjunct Uranus hints at something very unconventional and unexpected about the relationships in her life, particularly with women. The Moon, representing emotions and the mother, is conjunct secretive Pluto, perhaps echoing this theme. Could Suri herself be the secret, the unexpected female, in the sense of being nonexistent, or being a baby-for-hire that her parents are now scrambling to obtain and reveal to the world?

Tom Cruise's own horoscope may hold some hints. Tom also has Neptune prominent in his chart, as it squares his Saturn, trines (and rules) his Jupiter-Chiron, inconjuncts his Sun and sextiles his Pluto. See Tom Cruise's birth chart (Astrotheme)

Right now, transiting Jupiter is conjuncting Tom's natal Neptune, while being squared by the transiting Mars-Saturn conjunction on his Leo Moon. The element of Neptune-ruled deception is taking up more and more of his life, but he is feeling a lot of emotional pressure to express how he really feels. He may be locked into a certain M.O. that he is now bursting to break free from.

Meanwhile, Uranus has just passed Tom's Jupiter-Chiron in Neptune-ruled Pisces and is about to retrograde back over them, which could augur the sudden exposure of a deep, dark, painful secret...some skeleton in Tom's *cough* closet. A revelation could come in early September, when Uranus touches Tom's Jupiter, or around November 20 when Uranus stations right on Tom's Chiron. A final window for an "I am what I am" epiphany comes in late January 2007, when direct Uranus makes its last pass over Tom's Jupiter.

So, as with the so-called "moon" "landing," we may never know for sure whether Suri's birth was a purely Hollywood-concocted event. But it does seem like cracks are showing in the facade of the Neptunian world of illusion Tom has created around himself. Perhaps Katie will build up a tolerance to the horse tranquilizers and appetite suppressants they've been pumping her full of, and finally crack under the pressure of living the lie. When Neptune is involved, we can always dream....

*Update: Suri's birth certificate is now on file! Find out how this changes her chart.

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Related:
• Just How Screwed Up Will Suri Cruise Be? (4/21/06)
• TomKitten Is an Aries! (4/18/06)
• TomKitten = KittyTaurus? (4/13/06)
• Whither TomKat? (2/17/06)
• No, Really, What's Up With Katie's Belly? (1/23/06)

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Just How Screwed Up Will Suri Cruise Be?

Huzzah, a birth time for the TomKitten! Thanks to Senior Research Chief Karen for tipping me off to newborn Suri Cruise's 3 AM birth time [Source]. At long last (okay, it took, like, a day) I can analyze Suri's complete chart. Here is Suri Cruise's birth chart. Interestingly, there are some features of Suri's chart that hint at the rumors surrounding her conception and Katie Holmes' much-questioned pregnancy (or lack thereof).

Suri has Aquarius, sign of the public and mass communication (including the Internet) rising. The rising sign, or Ascendant, describes a person's outer appearance or the face they project to the world, as well as the birth and start of life. With Neptune, the planet of fantasy and illusion, in Aquarius (again, the sign of mass communication) conjuncting the Ascendant, there is a veil of mystery or deception cloaking the circumstances of Suri's birth and true identity. After months of buzzing about Katie's belly, there are already rumblings online, specifically on PerezHilton.com, about this baby not really having been delivered by Katie. (Perhaps incidentally, Neptune is often prominent in the birth charts of people who are adopted.)

And with Chiron, the planetoid that is like a sore spot in the chart, conjuncting the Ascendant from the hidden 12th house of self-undoing, Suri may have some kind of secret skeleton in the closet about her identity. I've already remarked on the fact that Suri's Chiron is right on dad Tom Cruise's Saturn, representing the father principle, suggesting that Tom's parenting tactics could be a source of pain or shame for her. (See Tom Cruise's birth chart; Astrotheme) The fact that Tom's Saturn is also casting a shadow on Suri's Ascendant from the 12th house exacerbates this concern, hinting that he could be intent on controlling and limiting her identity and public image as he has often been accused of doing to Katie.

Suri's Moon, representing the emotions and the mother, is, appropriately enough, conjunct Katie's Sun in Sagittarius, so there will be a close emotional connection between them, and in all fairness this does argue in favor of Katie being the baby's actual mother. (See Katie Holmes' birth chart; Astrotheme) However, with Suri's Moon next to her Pluto, which conjuncts Katie's Sun even more closely, there will definitely be power struggles in their relationship. Sagittarius being the sign of religion, it could be Suri's rebellion against Scientology that causes a battle of the wills.

With 0° of the constantly changing mutable sign Gemini on the cusp of her 4th house, representing home and family, Suri might be moving around a lot as a kid, and have an unstable home life. This house and its opposite, the 10th, also depict the mother and father, and again, mutable signs here are a sign of receiving shaky grounding from the parents.

One more interesting feature of Suri's chart is that Venus, the planet of relationships and values, conjuncts unconventional Uranus in her 1st house. This placement could augur Suri having kinky, nontraditional relationships that are very much a part of her identity. Wouldn't it just be so cosmically just if Suri grew up to be a lesbian and married her birthday mate, Brooke Shields' daughter Grier?! (I'm assuming gay marriage will be legal by then.) I can't wait to see that on the cover of Us Weekly in 2027!

Related:
• TomKitten Is an Aries! (4/18/06)
• TomKitten = KittyTaurus? (4/13/06)
• Whither TomKat? (2/17/06)
• No, Really, What's Up With Katie's Belly? (1/23/06)

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TomKitten Is an Aries!

Lo, it has arrived! The TomKitten is here and it is a girl! [Source] Suri Cruise arrived today, though a birth time has (curses!) not been issued.* See Suri Cruise's chart (sunrise chart, no birth time*) But I am happy to say that Katie heeded my advice and popped out the spawn of L.Ron Hubbard's frozen sperm Tom while the Sun was still in a late degree of Aries, rather than on the April 21 due date reported by OK!, also known as my birthday. As I reported, a Taurus baby would not vibe as well with Katie as a fellow fire-sign baby with the Sun in late Aries, trining Katie's Sagittarius Sun and Leo Ascendant/Moon. Plus, if Suri was born earlier in the day like the sunrise chart shown here, her Moon, representing the mother, would, fittingly, conjunct Katie's Sun.* (See Katie Holmes' birth chart; Astrotheme)

I'm happy (and a little relieved) to see that Suri and her mom will have more than an incubator-incubatee relationship. But I'm also kinda creeped out that Suri's Chiron, signifying the places we feel wounded, conjuncts Tom's Saturn, representing the father principle. (See Tom Cruise's birth chart; Astrotheme) Is Tom, who recently recalled his own father as abusive, destined to repeat a traumatic pattern with his first biological kid? As much as I personally find Tom to be loathsomely cuckoo-crazy, I would like to look on the bright side for the innocent babe's sake, so I should point out that Suri's Saturn conjuncts Tom's Moon, suggesting that her image of her father will be a nurturing one.

You better believe I'll be on the lookout for an exact birth time, and knowing the publicity-whore parents, I would expect them to issue one sometime soon.* Incidentally, Brooke Shields, whose brave candor about postpartum depression earned her a bunch of judgment from Tom, gave birth today as well. [Source] I find this coincidence rather delicious and hope to obtain birth times for both celeb offspring so I can compare the charts!

Related:
• TomKitten = KittyTaurus? (4/13/06)
• Whither TomKat? (2/17/06)
• No, Really, What's Up With Katie's Belly? (1/23/06)

*UPDATE: Suri's birth time has been given as 3 AM [Source] and her chart has been updated accordingly. Suri is Aquarius Rising and indeed has a Moon in late Sagittarius conjuncting Katie's Sun. Complete analysis to come!

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TomKitten = KittyTaurus?

OMG! The April 17 issue of OK!'s U.S. edition reports that Katie Holmes' due date for her spawn-of-L.-Ron baby with Tom Cruise is April 21:

In recent weeks, Tom has been keeping busy not only working but also planning the birth of their little TomKitten—which OK! has learned is due to arrive on April 21—with senior members of the Church of Scientology.

This is astounding to me for two reasons: (1) Hasn't she been pregnant for, like, 17 months, with that bump changing size more often than Oprah? Haven't they been preparing with frankincense, myrrh, and silent-birth cue cards outside the Cruise Compound for weeks now? And more importantly, (2) April 21 is MY BIRTHDAY! Not only would I be terrified to share a birthday with this freak of nature, I will also be so pissed if I have to excuse myself from aging-related activities involving beer and cake to run its chart. (We Taureans love our beer and cake, let me tell you.)

Plus, I'm really not feeling the way an April 21 birth relates to Katie's chart. The baby's Sun at the very beginning of Taurus would be an awkward, uncomfortable fit with Katie's Sun, Moon and Ascendant in late degrees of fire signs (Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon and Ascendant). I can't see her really relating to an earth-sign child. (See Katie Holmes' birth chart; Astrotheme)

Meanwhile, Tom's Moon at 1° Leo would square TomKitten's Sun, suggesting that he may try to impose his own will on the baby's identity and in some ways assume the nurturing/mothering role himself. I mean, I'm all for nontraditional gender roles in parenting, but in his case all I can say is, ay que freak show! (See Tom Cruise's birth chart; Astrotheme)

Moreover, a baby born April 21 or up to a week later would have Sun conjuncting Katie's Chiron, the planet of wounding, possibly suggesting a C-section or a very painful birth. As we all know, Scientology forbids Katie to speak or take painkillers during the birth, which is downright disturbing. I mean, most red-blooded Americans enjoy talking and taking painkillers even when they're not in labor, so this really seems cruel and unusual. I am concerned about her giving birth during this time, especially in an environment that is so utterly unsupportive of her physical and emotional needs. C'mon, Katie, pop that tot out NOW, while the Sun is still in Aries—you will have such a better relationship with a fire-sign child than with an earth sign!

Related: No, Really, What's Up With Katie's Belly? (1/23/06)

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No, Really, What's Up With Katie's Belly?

This disturbing photo* got me wondering about exactly whose alien fetus is or is not in Katie Holmes' womb, and whether astrology might help solve the mystery. Turns out some truly freaky-deaky transits are taking place in this budding Scientologist's chart.

In her birth chart, Katie has Venus, the relationship planet, conjuncting alternative-lifestyle Uranus in Scorpio in the 4th house of home and family, which could suggest some kinky goings-on behind closed doors, and perhaps an unconventional family or household arrangement. With Scorpio on the 4th house cusp, there could definitely be some skeletons in the closet.

At the moment, Jupiter has just entered Katie's 4th house of home and family. This can mean an addition to the family as well as a material upgrade to the home, i.e. moving in with Richy McMovieStar. As Jupiter approaches Venus, this could be a nice "aww, motherhood is expanding her capability to love" aspect. But remember, with Venus comes Uranus, and when Jupiter contacts this conjunction Katie's home life could become very volatile and unstable. Again, the Scorpio influence can mean secrecy as well as issues with power and control.

Another HUGE transit in Katie's life that hints at major life transformation, as well as secrecy and power struggles, is Pluto sitting right on top of her Sagittarius Sun (a transit that affects her all year). Pluto is the planet of transformation, and as it moves over Katie's Sun, she has certainly become an unrecognizably different person. (um, Catholic virgin to unwed pregnant Scientologist? Katie to Kate?) Katie's Sun is in the 5th house of children, so this could mean that motherhood is changing her life. But Pluto, ruler of Scorpio, also brings hints of control and manipulation. As if some powerful force were controlling the process of transformation. Katie's Sun and Jupiter are in mutual reception, meaning they vibe off each other; with both planets in fire signs, one would expect Katie to be bursting with exuberance 24/7. But Jupiter's placement in the 12th house of self-undoing damps down the enthusiasm a bit. Could this be the chart of someone who jumped at a chance for fame -- then realized it meant giving away her own power and hiding her true self? Was that a loaded question?

And as if that weren't enough secretive 12th-house action, Saturn, the planet of structure, restriction and paternalistic authority, is sitting on Katie's Jupiter, further repressing her self-expression. Gosh, it's almost as if some strong male personality were imposing his will on Katie's Sagittarian free spirit. As 2006 rolls on, Saturn will steamroll over Katie's Moon (emotions) and Ascendant (self-image), perhaps causing her to withdraw even further into herself as her fire-sign energy is snuffed out by Saturn.

Neptune -- currently transiting Katie's 6th house, which, interestingly, governs one's day-to-day responsibilities -- is in Aquarius, the sign of mass communication, directly opposite Katie's Leo Moon, which rules emotions and mothering. While Leo is the "look at me" sign, Katie's Moon is in the 12th house of the subconscious; here again we see that tension between loving the spotlight and preferring to remain hidden behind the scenes. Neptune, the planet of delusion, illusion and deception, seems to be creating an aura of mystery around Katie's status as a mother (Moon). Her pregnancy has been offered up to the masses via the media (Aquarius) as a spectacle (Leo), yet seems on some level to be a Neptunian illusion -- hence, perhaps, the morphing bump. Time will tell -- maybe -- whether an actual baby or the spawn of Xenu emerges into the world. But I'm guessing Neptune will figure PROMINENTLY in whatever-it-is's chart. Does anyone have a due date on this little beastie, anyway? Given that the photo above was taken in October, the fact that she's not RV-sized at this point raises some questions....

So, to sum up, Jupiter's entry into the 4th house and Pluto's transit of Katie's (Kate's?!) Sun could signify that she is indeed about to experience the life transformation that is giving birth to her first child. Or, with Neptune, Saturn and the 12th house in the picture, Katie's life change could be something more sinister. Clearly, further study of this matter is needed. Unless hustled into the trunk of a car by L. Ron Hubbard's "legal team," I will follow up soon with analysis of Tom Cruise's chart and how it relates to Katie. Come to think of it, I wonder if anyone has established an astrological chart for the founding of Scientology. Please e-mail me with any thoughts or data.

*UPDATE: This link, which originally yielded a photo timeline of Katie's inexplicably growing and shrinking baby bump, no longer works, and I have searched in vain for another copy of the image on the interwebs. Suffice to say, it was a disturbing pic. Also, please see Media-Darling.com's updated report on TomKitten's birth chart.

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